LIVING WITH PANCREATIC CANCER - THE BOOK

My entry last year after my dear friend passed away I thought would be my last, but I have just written a book, using this blog diary. Reading it back a year later I was able to trigger memories and incidence not previously recorded. I'm hoping that by telling my story it might help others going through similar circumstances, in caring for someone with a terminal illness.

If you would like to purchase the book copy and past this link, I hope you will find it useful. https://www.createspace.com/4299892. This book can also be purchased on Amazon.

IT'S ALL OVER NOW

After my friend had been sedated she remained very peaceful. I had a visit from the Hospice nurses on 13 th November, with a view to helping me wash and change  her. 

Whilst they were here my friend's breathing pattern changed and it was assumed that the end was very near as no pulse could be felt in any of her limbs. This was around 1 pm. The nurses kindly offered to stay with me which I accepted, not really wishing to be alone.

But my friend had her own ideas on the appropriate time to go. After an hour and no change, the nurses had to go as they had other patients to see.

So there I am on my own not knowing when the end would come. I kept popping in and out and telling my friend that it was all right to go, that myself and our two dogs would be fine and to stop fighting the inevitable. This went on for another 2 hours.

I'd just popped out for a couple of minutes and when I came back she had passed. It was 4 pm.

I lit a candle and burnt some incense sticks and put on a Music for Healing CD and asked Great Spirit to help my friend over to the other side.

I then phoned the surgery and waited for the doctor to come and confirm death. I then phoned the undertaker.

At 6 pm on Tuesday 13 th November my friend left her home for the last time. But she did get her last wish which was to die in her own bed at home.

I hope my diary of events has helped some of you out there going through similar circumstances. And for those of you who are just reading this out of curiosity I hope you have found it interesting.

This is my last entry.

Love and light  to you All

MY CRISIS POINT

The 1oth and 11th of November were my crisis point. My friend took a dramatic turn for the worse. Although only managing to pee once in 24 hours, she became incontinent with her bowels and at the same time seemed to become confused with similar symptoms to Alzheimer's Disease.

I must admit that this was my breaking point. With an un-co-operative, body that needed cleaning and changing after opening her bowels, I admit I struggled and of course it always happens at weekends.

By Monday morning I was a sobbing wreck and knew I needed help. After a few phone calls, the troops arrived doctors, nurses I had them all.

My friend was fitted with a catheter and a syringe pump, making life a whole lot easier.

Monday night into Tuesday morning  was a restless night with my friend grunting very loudly obviously in a state of distress, so today the nurses returned to administer a sedative which had the desired effect and has calmed her.

WHAT NO-ONE TELLS YOU ABOUT PANCREATIC CANCER

It is the 11th November, Remembrance Sunday. My friend continues the downward spiral. What they don't tell you, (by they I mean the medical profession) is exactly what lies ahead for the dying Pancreatic Cancer patient.

I suppose I understand why they don't tell the patient, but I do think they should explain to the carer or family what to expect. I have managed to confirm some stuff on the Internet, but the reality of living through this, is something quite different.

So what should you expect as the carer or family? I will be very explicit. 

• Your loved one will stop eating, they will still drink, but very small amounts, but this will eventually stop. 

• They will have a struggle to pass urine, until they will only manage 1 wee a day with up to (so far in my case) 32 hours between wees. 

• Their speech will become often slurred and unintelligible. 

• They present similar symptoms to Alzheimer's Disease, they become confused and in my case keep calling out for their 'Mummy', who passed away some 40 years ago.

• They become agitated and frustrated because they can not make themselves understood.

• They will become incontinent, in my case the bowels and not realise that they want to go to the toilet.

• The eyes become distant and manifest an appearance of fear.

• They can no longer support themselves at all as they are so weak, because they are skin and bone and no longer have the muscles to support them.

• They become almost a stranger to you as they are no longer the person they were.

Coping with this stage of the illness  for me is by far the worst part. I wish someone had warned me. I do not know how anyone can still survive when every bone in their body is exposed through a thin layer of skin and their internal organs are obviously not functioning properly, if at all.

Please may this all end soon for my friends sake. If she could really understand what is happening to her, she would be appalled.

NEARING THE END

Today 8th November we had an unexpected visit from the District nurse. She came to take my friends blood pressure and whilst she was here I filled her in on what had been happening and the continued deterioration.

She has arranged for some Morphine to ease pain during the night and is going to arrange for a Doctor to call other wise when the time comes my friend will have to have a post mortem. 

Apparently even though she is under the hospital doctor, she still needs to be seen by the G.P. which so far hasn't happened. This has all come about since the Harold Shipman case. Whilst writing this the phone has just rung to confirm the G.P will visit next Friday 16th November. I hope that won't be too late.

I took the time to speak to the nurse out of my friends earshot and asked her what she thought of the situation. She confirmed what I already knew anyway, that this is the beginning of the end.

I hope for my friends sake that it isn't a long drawn out affair and that end is quick and peaceful.