It is now 3rd November and my friend is deteriorating further. The only time she spends out of bed now is to go to the toilet and for me to help her wash and change her pyjamas. I'm now getting up with her two or three times during the night when she needs to go to the toilet.
She has the permanent shakes, a bit like the DT's , but I guess that is lack of sustenance. She is now eating even less, as if that were possible, as every time she puts things in her mouth she retches.
I'm becoming increasingly concerned about the retching as she even does this when taking her tablets and drinking. She wants to die at home, but if this continues to the point where she is unable to take her tablets for the pain etc, and is no longer able to take on fluids, then I'm unsure whether this will be possible.
The painkillers still only take the edge off her pain, so she has constant discomfort. I'm sure she has given up, because even when I try to encourage her and keep her positive, she becomes very agitated and asks me to leave her alone.
The road does get harder and I'm sure it will become harder still. Great Spirit thank you for continuing to help me through it.
It is now 28th October. My friend at last conceded and let the district nurse and case supervisor visit last Monday 22nd October. They recommended a change in medication, to an opiate based drug but my friend refused.
So a compromise was made and she is now on a long acting stronger version of Tramadol, (the medication she was already on) which is to be taken twice a day, but can be topped up by taking the lower dose Tramadol. This seems to be working some of the time, but my friend still has periods of pain.
The biggest problem we are facing is the rapid deterioration. Up until a few days ago my friend could still manage to get herself to the toilet unaided, even during the night and could still manage to have a shower or bath under supervision.
This has now changed, I have to take my friend to the toilet day and night and help her to wipe herself. I am washing her and she is spending most of her time in bed. She is eating very little even with taking tablets to improve her appetite.
I know things are going to be increasingly difficult from now on and I still hope there is an end in sight. Great Spirit help me through each day.
The Stages of Mesothelioma
Nothing has much changed since my last post and it is now 15th October. My friend continues to be in pain. Some days she manages to get up for a while others, apart from a shower or bath are spent in bed.
We never did get in touch with the MacMillan specialist nurse as my friend is so frightened of being hospitalised that she would rather put up with the pain.
I have tried reasoning, with a view to the fact that the hospital may be able to provide her with better pain management, but she will have none of it.
It is very difficult to sit by and watch when all I want to do is get her some help. I am a Spiritual Healer and Reiki Practitioner, but even this is of no use as my friend does not believe in it. Because of this I am unable to give her a hands on healing. I do send her distant healing daily, but I think she blocks it. Some people do this and she is one of them.
So our lives go on. I am getting increasingly tired and feel very guilty as I just want it all to end, which is effectively wishing my friend dead, which is awful. GREAT SPIRIT FORGIVE ME.
Since the meeting with the Oncologist my friend has been in increasing amounts of pain. We are unsure as to the exact cause as the pain seems to be in her bones, back, ribs and arms, but not her legs as yet.
The pain makes movement difficult and apart from getting up to wash, my friend has spent today 30th September in bed. The pain killers she has been prescribed don't seem to have much effect and basically she is extremely miserable.
Tomorrow I think we will be in touch with the Macmillan specialist nurse to see if we can do anything, otherwise this next stage is going to be a long and difficult time.
The meeting with the Oncologist went well. The chemotherapy has shrunk the tumour, which in itself is great news, but the consultant did point out that this didn't mean that my friend was getting better, just that it had given her a little more time.
It was decided that the chemotherapy should be stopped for 6 weeks to see if my friend's general health and tiredness would improve. The next appointment is on 7th November, when it will be decided what should happen next.
In the meantime my friend is not in good health. She is now suffering from pain in her back in the ribcage area. The consultant checked the CT scan again to see whether he could find a cause for this but could find nothing. It has been put down to a pulled muscle but I am not convinced.
So all we can do is continue as we are taking each day as it comes, going out when we can and staying in when my friend feels to ill.
